


Notebooks

by omgdatphantho



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fighting, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:23:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8546059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgdatphantho/pseuds/omgdatphantho
Summary: Dan is tired of his girlfriend writing in secret notebooks. He decides to find out what’s in them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was one of the things I wrote when I started writing fanfiction. That's why it's kinda different from everything else I've written.

Every time I look at her, she’s scribbling in that damn notebook. It’s gotten to the point where I can barely talk to her before she’s back to writing. I hate to admit it, but I’m jealous of that fucking notebook.

 

I wonder what’s in it. What is so damn important that it has to consume her every waking hour. She never goes anywhere without it. ‘ _Just in case_ ’ was the reason she gave me when I asked her about carrying it once.

 

If I’m honest with myself, I’ve become obsessed with her notebook. It’s an enigma. Just like the girl herself. I feel as though I know less about her now than I did when we started dating.

 

I walk into the lounge this morning and immediately notice something different. She’s not writing. She’s sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, and seems to be engrossed with a tv show.

 

I tilt my head slightly and blink at her a few times. She has seemed to caught me out of the corner of her eye and turns to face my direction. Her brow furrows slightly and a flash of confusion passes her eyes.

 

 **“You’re not writing?”** somehow making it both a question and a statement.

 _“No I’m not,”_ she states as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

 **“Why not?”** I sit down next to her on the couch.

 _“I need to get a new notebook,”_ she replies with a look that says _‘What’s it to you?’_.

 

This is not the first book she has filled since we’ve gotten together. I don’t know what she does with them, but I’ve never been able to find them. I know what you’re thinking. _‘How dare he snoop on his own girlfriend.’_ Let me explain first before you judge.

 

I love my girlfriend. We’ve been together for almost two years now. She’s sweet, kind, fierce. I could list her good qualities until the end of days. She does have one fault. She has a hard time opening up to me. We very rarely talk about her hopes and dreams. We can talk about the universe or movies until we’re blue in the face. The moment that things turn to her, however, she shuts down. Then she’s right back scribbling in her book.

 

She leaves for the day; off to see friends, family, shop. Honestly, I don’t even remember what she told me. I stopped listening as soon as she said she would be out all day. My mind was already forming a plan. I’m going to find those notebooks. I’m going to learn what goes on inside my girlfriends head.

 

As soon as I hear the door shut, I jump off the couch. I then take a moment to breath because, lets be real, that was most active I’ve been all year. Well outside the bedroom at least.

 

I stand in the doorway to our bedroom and survey it. I’ve looked in other rooms before. Our room is the only place I haven’t throughly searched.If I were her, where would I hide it.I look under the bed, in her nightstand, and the wardrobe before settling on her dresser.

 

I open the top one and am met with the sight of socks and underwear. I shift a few things, but don’t see anything that looks like a bunch of notebooks. Moving down to the second drawer, I’m greeted with her shirts. This drawer is a bust as well. The final drawer is just her pants.

 

I’m about to walk away when something catches my eye. A white corner peeks our from the side of her dresser. I lay flat and look underneath. I see a white box I haven’t seen before. I pull it out to get a better look. It seems to be an oversized shoe box. Maybe one for boots. I don’t fucking know. Sue me why don’t you.

 

I pull out the box and place it in front of me. I cautiously open it as though it will explode in my hands. Inside are dozens of notebooks. I recognize some as ones she has written in during our relationship.

 

I grab a random one and quickly flip through it. Every inch of the pages are covered. There are a mix of words and doodles. I start back at the beginning and start to read. She talks about her days, thoughts, and feelings. Some pages are just lists. Others are just random thoughts that look as though she needed to get them down right then.

 

As soon as I finish one, I grab another. I’m lost in her world. These books are everything left unspoken between us. They are missed moments, desires, and tidbits that I had no idea of.

 

 _“Dan? What the hell?”_ Her voice cuts through the silence like the stab of a knife. I look up and blink at her a few times. My eyes trying to focus on my surroundings. It was late in the day. She has returned home to find my sitting in our room with a tall stack of already read notebooks next to me.

 

I had become so engrossed in her writing that I didn’t hear her. I didn’t notice that the sun was starting to set. I was fucked. Confusion, hurt, anger, and a hint of betrayal read on her face.

 

 **“Babe-I-,”** I stammer out. Words are failing me right now and my tongue refuses to cooperate.

 _“Get out!”_ She screeches at me. I stand up with my hands up in protest. I take a small step towards her.

 _“Get the fuck out!”_ She screams while stepping back. Her arms cross her body as to protect her and she’s recoiling in on herself.

 

I hang my head in shame and walk to the closet. I grab a bag and toss a few things in it. I grab my laptop, its charger, my phone charger, wallet, and keys. I walk to the door with her following me a safe distance behind me. It is as though she’s afraid of me.

 

I open the door and turn to face her. Tears stain her cheeks and all I want to do is go to her. To wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. I want to comfort her and let her know everything will be ok. Will it though?

 

 **“Babe-“** I start before she cuts me off.

 _“Go!”_ she says softly. Her head is turned down slightly. She won’t look me in the eye. With one last look I step outside and close the door.


	2. Chapter 2

I wandered around for a few hours. Aimlessly walking with no clear destination in mind. Darkness was beginning to seep into the streets and the air became chilly. I pulled my jacket tighter around my neck and hunched slightly into myself.

 

I found myself in a small park. It was deserted save for me and a few nighttime critters. I found a bench and sat down in a daze. Why did I go looking? She would have shared them with me if she wanted to. I broke her trust. Dammit Dan, why couldn’t you just leave well enough alone?

 

“Hello? Dan? Hello?” a voice breaks through my thoughts. I hadn’t even realized I was calling someone. I didn’t even know who I called.

“Hello?” I tentatively reply. I pulled my phone away from my ear and glance at the screen. Phil’s picture briefly flashes before the screen goes dark again. Of course I called Phil. Who else would you call in any situation you moron?

“Dan? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Phil rapid fires questions at me.

“Uh-yeah. Hi Phil,” I say not really answering him.

“Dan? What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“I need you to come get me,” I say in a barely audible whisper.

“Where are you?”

“Uh-a park.” It comes out as more of a question then a statement.

“Okay. What park? Do you see any landmarks? A street sign? A park name? Anything? I need more info Dan.” His voice in the end sounds like he’s annoyed with me. Honestly, I don’t blame him. I’m not helping anything by ignoring his questions. I move my head and look around for something. I notice that I’m in a park not too far from my flat. Apparently, I had been walking around in circles.

“The one near my place. It’s the one with the Starbucks on one side and the mega bookstore on the other. The little one with the pond. I’m blanking on the name.”

“I know the one. Hang on alright? I’ll be there in about,” he’s pulled the phone away to check the time, “twenty-five minutes. Alright? Hang on.” Then the line goes dead.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I say to nothing and no one in particular. I lean my head back and stare up at the sky. The moon is obstructed by clouds, but you can tell it’s there. A few stars poke through the cloud breaks. Will everything be alright? Will she take me back? Will she let me explain?

 

I must have dozed off because the next thing I hear is my name being called. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and wait for them to adjust to the night. I look around the darken park. The only source of light are the street lamps at the edge. The moon is completely covered by clouds now.

 

I spot a shadowed figure near one of the entrances. It seems to be the source of my name. As it gets closer, I realize it’s Phil. Who else would it be? In the faint glow of the streetlamp, I can see the look upon his face. Worry and relief rightfully taken up residence. He closes the distance between us in a few steps with his lanky legs. Phil grabs my arm and jerks me off the bench. Before I know it, I find myself crushed against him in a hug.

 

“Are you ok?” he asks after a few moments. Do you think he means in general or in this moment? Probably the latter.

“Yeah. Thanks for coming.” Phil pulls away and wacks my arm. I jump a little at the unexpected contact.

“You had me worried you spork,” he says before swatting at my arm again. I honestly don’t blame him. Of course he would be worried. I probably sounded like a weird shell shocked zombie on the phone. Way to go Dan.

“I know. I know. I’m sorry. Thank you for coming.” I pull him back into a hug.

 

We stand there for a moment; actually longer than a moment. If it was any of my other friends, the duration would have been awkward. Not with Phil though. We’ve always had a special bond. I pull back and Phil wipes my cheeks. It is only then that I realize that I’ve been crying. I sniffle and wipe my eyes. Crying can come later. Right now, I just want to get out of this park.

 

I grabbed my bag and let Phil link our arms together. He drags me towards the main street and the underground station. Neither of us feel the need to say anything. We rode in silence. No words were spoken between the station and Phil’s front door. I fall in step behind him as we climb the three flights to his flat.

 

I had set my back down to take off my jacket. Phil picks it up and takes it into the guest room. I follow quietly behind him. He sets the bag on the bed and turns to face me.

 

“Why don’t you change while I go make us some tea? I’ll meet you in the lounge when you’re done.” I nod at him, too afraid to speak right now. I’m not sure why I’m afraid exactly. Maybe because I know I’ll just start rambling. Maybe because I’m not sure if can formulate even simple phrases. Maybe because I’m afraid that I’ll just start sobbing. The third option is the most likely reason. Phil gives me a sad smile before exiting the room, shutting the door behind him.

 

I sit down on the bed and let out a heavy sigh. You wouldn’t be feeling like this if you just left the notebooks alone. You have no one but yourself to blame Dan. I place my elbows on my knees and let my head fall forward into my open palms. I don’t know how long I sat there like that, but a knock came at the door.

 

“Yeah?” I lift my head to look towards the door.

“The tea is almost done,” Phil answers through the door. I let out another sigh.

“Okay. I’ll be out in a minute.” I hear his footsteps retreat back down the hall. I push myself off the bed and begin to sift through my bag. I quickly strip down and throw on my pajamas. They’re nothing special; just an old tee and a pair of sweatpants. I make my way down the hall and flop onto the couch. I had barely been there a minute before Phil walks in carrying two cups of tea.

 

I thank Phil when he hands me my cup. We sit in a slightly uncomfortable silence to a few minutes. The only noise is our respective breathing and the occasional slurp of tea. I turn my head to look at Phil. I can tell that he wants to ask me what happened, but at the same time is trying to wait for me to bring it up. I furrow my brow; trying to decide where to begin.

 

“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” he asks, breaking the silence. I can’t tell if he read my mind or is just tired of waiting for me to explain myself. I’m going to go with both. I take a deep breath and start my tale. I tell him about being frustrated with the notebooks. I tell him about finding the box. Hell, I even tell him about wanting to comfort her while she was yelling at me. I can feel tears spilling from the eyes at the end. I take a few deep breaths and pull myself back under control.

 

“Then you came for me. Now here we are,” I end my tale. Phil sat in silence; trying to keep his composer. It’s not that Phil is mad at me; he just doesn’t know how to respond. Phil would never judge me, even though he has every right to. Telling everything out loud has made me feel silly. Silly and ashamed that I wouldn’t trust her.

 

“You messed up. You messed up big time,” Phil says after finally finding his voice again.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” I reply with a hint of sarcasm.

“She will probably take you back.” I blink at him a few times, not quite believing what I was hearing.

“What?”

“You asked me to tell you something you didn’t know. So I did. I figured you had thought that she probably won’t take you back.”

“The thought had crossed my mind once or twice.”

“She might. Though probably not right away. You’ll have to give her time first of all. Secondly, you’ll have to explain to her why you looked through her notebooks. Finally, you’ll have to regain her trust.”

“I know. Honestly, I don’t know if I would give me another chance.” I drop my head with a small sigh.

“Well, it’s a good thing she’s not you then.” Phil’s voice sounds of a slight smile. A smirk is gracing his lips as I raise my head to look at him. I half smile back at him. We lapse into silence. Phil once again breaks it.

“Well, it’s late. We can talk about this more tomorrow when we’re both fresh.” He stands and moves to walk in front of me. I follow him with my eyes and see him look down at me.

“Well, I’ll be fresh,” he says with a light laugh. I figure that I probably look like hell. I don’t care, but I know he’s right. He’s going to bed and I’m going to lay staring at the ceiling for hours. With one last pat on my shoulder, Phil exits the lounge. I make no effort to move. I figure what’s the difference between a window and a ceiling when I’m just staring off into space.

 

I go over the whole day again and again. It’s like a weird little movie. It’s as though I’m experiencing it and watching myself experience it all at the same time. I know where I went wrong. I shouldn’t have looked for the notebooks and I definitely should not have read them. As stupid as this whole situation makes me seem, I’m really not. I know that I have fucked up and I know that I have to make it right. The last thing I see before I drift off in the early morning light is her face. Not the one with her beautiful smile. It’s the face with hurt and betrayal on it. The last face I saw before I shut the flat door all those hours ago.

 


	3. Chapter 3

I crack open my eyes to find the late afternoon sun streaming through the windows. I sit up and stretch. My joints creaking in protest. This is what you get for sleeping on a couch, the voice in my head retorts at the grimace on my face. I brush the thought away and stand to stretch my aching limbs more.

 

“Sleeping beauty is finally awake,” a voice comes from the door. I turn to see Phil leaning against the door frame. A small grin tugs at the corners of his mouth. I half smile back at him and run my fingers through my hair.

“What time is it?” I move towards Phil.

“Nearly two in the afternoon.”

“Why did you let me sleep so long?”

“I tried to wake you, but you pushed me away.” Of course I would do something like that. I’m not winning any brownie points anywhere am I?

“Sorry about that,” I reply sheepishly. I rub the back of my neck and look down at my feet.

“It’s not a big deal. Not the first time, won’t be the last.” Phil chuckles, seemingly remembering the other times he’s tried to wake me. I snort softly and raise my head to look at him.

“Right,” Phil starts, “hungry?” I nod once and watch him turn on his heels towards his kitchen.

 

I pad after him and stand out of his way. If there is one thing you don’t want to get in the way of, it’s Phil when he’s cooking. That’s how a lot of our injuries happened over the years. I stood against the wall and watched as Phil attempted to create food out a flurry of ingredients and utensils.

 

Twenty minutes later, we’re sat on the couch with matching steaming plates of stir fry. We eat in silence, save for the scraping of forks, the occasional slurp of drink, and the sound from the television. I place my plate next to Phil’s on the coffee table and stare blankly at the tv. Some mind numbing program plays in the background and I turn to see that Phil’s immersed completely in it.

 

Should I call her? I really need to apologize. I would rather talk to her in person. That way then she can see that I’m genuinely sorry. However, I don’t believe she will want to see me right now. Hell, if I were her, I wouldn’t want to see me ever again. _‘Well, it’s a good thing she’s not you then.’_ Phil’s words float through my mind. It is true. She is a lot more forgiving than I am. She’s a lot more rational than I am. I bet she’s already forgiven me. Okay, I can hear what you’re saying. No one would forgive that quickly you idiot. You’re probably right, but I should at least call her.

 

“Have you seen my phone?” I ask Phil as I start searching around the couch.

“Uh-I think it’s in the spare room,” he answers; not taking his eyes away from the telly.

 

I walk out of the room and head off to find my phone. After a bit of digging, I find it in my jacket pocket. There’s no messages. I frown at the screen. She didn’t even call to make sure that I was okay. Who the fuck does that? Someone who’s mad at you dummy. I decide against calling her outright. Instead, I type out a quick text asking her if I can call her. Nothing comes back immediately. Not that I was expecting anything. I grab my phone and walk back to the lounge.

 

“I texted her,” I announce once I enter the lounge. Phil nods his head, still not looking away from the tv.

“Has she replied yet?” Phil asks absentmindedly. I sigh. Apparently, we’re going to have this conversation without looking at each other. I flop back down on the sofa.

“Not yet. It’s not surprising though; considering I just texted her about five minutes ago.”

“Makes sense.” We lull into a silence. Phil getting really into whatever reality show is on and me trying to stop myself from checking my phone every two seconds.

“Why don’t you go shower and get changed?” Phil asks, effectively breaking the silence. I look at him out of the corner of my eye with a puzzled look upon my face.

“You know. Just in case she wants to meet up or something,” he continues and answers the unspoken question in my head.

“Yeah. Good thinking.” I get up and go grab fresh clothes from my bag.

 

I catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. I turn towards it and study my reflection. No wonder Phil wanted me to shower. The person staring back at me is not the same one who was there when I looked yesterday. The Dan in the mirror’s hair is starting to curl at weird angles. His face is ashen and pale under the florescent lights. Mirror Dan’s eyes look sad and defeated. Dark, purple semi-circles have taken up residence under his tired eyes.

 

Jesus! I look awful. Now some of you are probably thinking I look like the adorable kind of sad. The sad that you just want to hug and rub the back of to make everything better. No. It’s not that at all. I look like the diseased kind of sad. The type of sad that if you saw it, you would want to burn it immediately to stop the spread of infection.

 

I turn on the water and let the room fill with steam. I find myself standing in the hot spray for way longer than I need to. My mind is racing with various thoughts about her. A loud banging pulls me out of my daze. I stick my head outside the shower so I can hear better.

 

“Dan!” Phil yells through the locked door.

“What?” I yell back; hoping he can hear me over the spray of water.

“Have you died? You’ve been in there for quite awhile.”

“Yes Phil, I’m dead. That’s why I’m responding,” I retort back.

“Alright then. Carry on.” I figure he’s walked away since I didn’t hear anything else.

 

I quickly go through my shower routine and step out. The air hangs thick with steam. It’s a bit like trying to dry off in a sauna. I quickly dress and rub the excess water out of my hair. As I’m depositing my things back in the spare room, I pick up my phone. My phone shows one unread message. It’s from her. She says that she would rather meet me in person. At the Starbucks near our place. She’ll be there at eight. I glance at the time. It’s almost 6:30. I’ve got to move fast if I want to get there on time.

 

“Phil!” I yell out as I start changing into nicer clothes.

“Yeah. What-Dan! Seriously?! Warn someone before you just get naked.” I see him jump and cover his eyes out of the corner of mine. I smirk to myself before turning to face him.

“I need to borrow your straighteners.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why you’re naked,” he replies without removing his hand.

“She said she’ll meet me in person. I have to get going so I’m not late.”

“Okay. I’ll go heat up the straighteners while you finish changing.” He retreats out of the room with his eyes still covered. I watch at he bumps into the door frame. I start to chuckle, but I’m interrupted by a loud thump.

“You okay Phil?” I walk towards the door.

“Yes. I’m fine.” Phil’s rubbing his shoulder with his eyes shut tight.

“For fucks sake, open your eyes.”

“No! You might still be naked.” He somehow manages to get into his room without injuring himself more.

 

I laugh to myself. I turn back to the task of trying to make myself look good. I have to hurry if I’m going to get there before she does. I’m just glad she’s letting me apologize. I didn’t think she would want to see me again so soon. Though, I’m grateful for the opportunity to plead my case. Now, what am I going to say?


	4. Chapter 4

I got to Starbucks with roughly ten minutes to spare. Considering it was almost eight o’clock at night, the shop was virtually empty. The atmosphere inside the coffee shop is warm and inviting, but not too inviting. Low lighting and-do I really need to describe what the inside of a Starbucks looks like to you guys? Or do you get the point? I think you get the point.

 

I quickly ordered a drink for me and one for her. I sat down at a table closer to the windows, but still facing outward so that I could see when she walked in. At eight o’clock on the dot, she walks in the door. I watch her eyes sweep across the room and finally land on me. I feel myself giving her a reassuring smile. I quickly run my fingers through my fringe as is my habit when I am nervous.

 

She sits down across from me tentatively. Her posture is ridged. It’s almost as if she is refusing to relax. I watch as her eyes shift back and forth. Never really wanting to look at me. She wants to look anywhere, but at me. A cold silence permeates our space. The air between us becomes icy and yet thick with tension. Neither of us speak. Not knowing how to start the conversation. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, slowly exhaling through my nose.

 

“I got you a drink.” My voice comes out as a slightly shaky whisper. Breath is the word repeating in my head. I see her eyes glance down to focus on the cup in front of her. She sits there still ridged, still cold. Not helping the atmosphere between them.

“Thank you,” she replies in an almost inaudible whisper. She makes no movement to pick it up, but there’s always time for that later. We sit in silence for a while longer, not too long. Maybe a minute, but it feels like an eternity. I break the silence once again.

 

“Thank you for allowing me to meet with you.” She gives him a small sad smile before replying.

“I know you just asked for a phone call, but I felt like in person would be better.” She gives me a small smile. It’s not much, but I’m taking anything that I can get from her at this point.

“I agree with you. We have a lot to discuss that would be better face to face.” Her eyes flick away from me. My words hang in the heavy air. The noises in the background go on as we wait for each other to make the first move.

 

Say something you dumbass. Apologize. Compliment her. Something. Anything. She looks so nervous

 

“Why?” “I’m sorry.” Our words cancel out each other. We flash each other embarrassed smiles. Both of us are now too nervous to say anything for fear that the other person will begin talking.

“You go first.” I nod towards her. She gives her head a shake in understanding. I watch as she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. I can tell she’s taking a movement to collect her thoughts before speaking.

“I guess I really just want to know why you did it? Why you read my notebooks.” Honestly, my mind has gone completely blank. You owe her an explanation dumbass. I stop myself from rolling my eyes. Don’t you hate when the voice in your head calls you names?

“I got curious.” It’s not the whole reason, but it’s a starting point.

“You were curious so you decided to invade my privacy?” Her voice raises slightly. She takes a deep breath in order to get herself under control.

“That’s part of it. I just got so fed up with you writing in those notebooks. Curiosity got the best of me. I just wanted to know what was so important. So I went looking for them and I found them. I started with one and couldn’t stop. That’s when you came home and found me.” I shift my eyes around the room. Desperate to look anywhere but at her. When my gaze finally landed back at her, her brow is furrowed in my direction.

“You could have asked me. You didn’t have to go invading my privacy.” Her voice comes out in a stilted way. I nod my head.

“You’re right. I should have just said something to you. I’m sorry.” I hang my head in shame. In a way it feels like I’m being scolded, but without all the yelling that usually goes along with it. The heat is behind her words though.

 

I sip quietly on my lukewarm coffee. Her words rattle around inside my head. Before I have time to realize it, I’m speaking.

 

“If I had asked you about it, would you have shared them with me?” She raises her head and tilts it to the side. I can see in her face that she’s thinking.

“Honestly, yes I would have.” Of course she would have. I’m a dumbass for not thinking of asking in the first place. The voice in my head was right.

“Why do you write in the notebooks?” I ask quietly.

“You saw them. Take a guess.” Her voice has a slight edge to it.

“Yes I did. However, they weren’t strictly a diary. They were mostly random things. Moments, thoughts, and memories spread throughout the pages. I want to hear you explain it though.” I weakly smile at her.

“I have a hard time articulating thoughts sometimes. Some things are just random thoughts I had that I may want to express some day. Others are funny moments that I don’t want to forget. I’m not the greatest at articulation so I write.” I ponder over her words. I could see that in the notebooks. I already came to that conclusion myself. We sit in silence for a bit.

 

“Where do we go from here?” I ask. She bites her lip in contemplation.

“I don’t want to break up with you, but I’m not really ready to forgive you one hundred percent yet. You broke my trust Dan and it’s going to take me a bit to regain trust in you again.”

“I don’t want to lose you either, but I understand about broken trust. What are we going to do in the meantime?”

“I think we should take some time apart.” I open my mouth in protest, but she puts up her hand to stop me. “I’m not saying break up, but I think a few days apart would do us both some good. You’re okay staying with Phil for a few day yeah?” I nod my head in agreement. I don’t really have a choice. I messed up and now I have to rectify the situation. if she doesn’t want me around for a few days, then space is what I’m going to give her. Then a thought hits me.

“How did you know I was with Phil? I never said where I was staying. Did he text you or something?” She gives me a half smile.

“No one had to tell me Dan. You always run to Phil.” With that, she stands up. We have a slightly awkward staring contest for a few moments. I don’t want her to go, but I don’t want to hinder her leaving if that’s what she want to do.

“I’ll talk to you in a few days.” With that, she makes her way to the door. I watch as she steps out into the night and disappears into the darkness. I look down at the table. There sits my empty cup and her cold, completely full one. I sigh and drop my head in my hands. This is going to be a long few days.


	5. Chapter 5

I toss both cups into the trash and walk out the door. The pavement is sparsely populated. I slide my hands into my pockets and shuffle towards the Underground station. I silently makes my way back to Phil’s flat.

 

I slip in the door and dispose of my coat. Phil is curled up on his couch watching tv. I flop down next to him. I curl into myself. I cover my face with my hands and sigh loudly. Phil turns off the tv and shifts to face me.

 

“How did coffee go?” Phil asks. I sigh again and turn to face him. The answer is written all over my face and demeanor. Phil presses his lips into a straight line. He doesn’t say anything, but waits for me to start. I know what he’s doing. He’s forcing me to talk about it so I don’t become so wrapped up in my head.

 

“It wasn’t good. I bought her a coffee and she didn’t drink it. We did talk though,” I say. Phil nods his head.

 

“Talking is a good thing. What did you talk about?” Phil asks. I glare at him. He shakes his head. “I mean what specifically did she say about everything?”

 

“She’s mad that I didn’t trust her. She told me that I should have respected her privacy and that she would have shown me if I had asked,” I explain to Phil. He nods his head.

 

“Why didn’t you ask her?” Phil asks. I think for a moment. It’s a question that I have asked myself so many times before.

 

“I guess I figured she would never show me. I was so obsessed with them that I became kind of blinded,” I explain. Phil nods.

 

“So what’s the plan now?” Phil asks. I sigh.

 

“She wants a few days of separation and then we shall see. Would it be okay if I just crashed here until then?” I asks.

 

“You know you’re always welcome here. I really don’t mind. It will be nice to have you as a roommate again; even if it’s only for a few days,” Phil says. He has a sad smile on his face. I nod my head.

 

“Thanks. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me,” I say with sincerity. Phil smiles wider.

 

“You’re welcome. You know I’m always here for you no matter what,” he replies. I nod my head in understanding.

 

We sit in silence for a while longer before heading to bed. I change into my pajamas and flop down on the bed. I place my hands behind my head and stare at the ceiling.

 

I’m not sure when I finally dozed off, but it is about mid-morning when I wake up. I feel like I hadn’t slept at all. Phil’s clanging around in the kitchen in an attempt to make food. I lean against the wall and stare at my phone.

 

I don’t have any notifications from her, but I guess I wasn’t really expecting any. She said she wanted space and that’s what I’m giving her. That doesn’t stop me from checking my phone every five minutes like a mad man.

 

Phil even noticed how glued I am to my phone. He made a comment about how ‘looking at it won’t make it go off any quicker.’ That earned him a glare from me. Which, in turn, earned me a cheeky smile from him.

 

The days pass slowly by. One slips into another without any change. I wouldn’t even have noticed time passing if I didn’t have to sleep.

 

A week passes before I heard from her again. Phil and I are sitting on the couch; each of us enamored with our laptops. My phone rings. We stare at each other with confused looks on our faces. I pick the phone up to see that it’s her calling. My heart starts racing and my breathing begins to shallow.

 

“Hello?” I ask, answering the call.

 

“Hi Dan,” she replies.

 

“Hey. How are you?” I ask.

 

“I’m good. Do you have a minute so we can talk?” she asks. I mumble an affirmative and get up from the couch. I walk out of the room and into the hallway before I actually reply.

 

“Yeah, I can talk,” I say. I hear her take a deep breath.

 

“I want to apologize for flipping out on you and for kicking you out. That was horrible of me. I shouldn’t have been so rash. I’m sorry,” she says. I smile wide.

 

“It’s okay. I don’t blame you. What I did was extremely stupid. I should have talked to you about it. I’m sorry,” I apologize. I hear her let out a breath of relief.

 

“Can you come home? I miss you,” she whispers. I can hear the smile in her voice. It makes me smile.

 

“Yeah. I’ll be home in a bit,” I state.

 

“Great. I’ll see you then,” she says. We say our goodbyes and hang up. I pump my fist into the air.

 

“Yes!” I exclaim.

 

“So everything’s good in paradise?” Phil asks. I turn around to see him standing in the doorway of the lounge. I smile widely and nod my head.

 

“Yeah. She wants me to come home,” I explain. He nods his head and sighs.

 

“Good. Now I don’t have to kick you out,” he says with a laugh. I stick my tongue out at him and then laugh.

 

I stride into the spare bedroom and gather all my belongings. It doesn’t take me long as I didn’t bring much to begin with. Phil follows me to the door. I set my bag onto the ground and envelope him in a hug.

 

“Thanks for everything,” I murmur into his shoulder. I feel him nod.

 

“No problem. You’re welcome anytime. Now go home,” he says while giving me a playful shove. I shove him back.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m going,” I say with a laugh. I step out onto the walk and head towards the Underground station.

 

The journey home goes by much like my journey to Phil’s, in a blur. Expect this time, it’s because I’m extremely happy. I’m outside our flat before I know it. I slide the key in the lock and open the door. I’m not even two steps inside before I’m being hugged.

 

She’s wrapped her arms tightly around my torso. I hug her back equally as tight. We stand there for a good two minutes just hugging each other in the doorway to our flat.

 

“I missed you,” she whispers into my chest.

 

“I missed you too,” I reply. I kiss the top of her head. She releases me and allows me to get fully into the flat.

 

Once I dumped my bag in our room, we sat in the living room. We have a long discussion about everything that transpired since we’ve been apart. She even showed me some entires in her new notebook. She promises that we will sit down and go through her books together. I’m really excited for that. I feel so thankful that I have such a forgiving girlfriend. Now, I don’t need to be jealous of a notebook any longer.


End file.
